Parting Glance

IT MUST BE STOPPED!!!

OK frozen ones, let's give the ol'caption contest another whirl, shall we? Just to get you started, here are a couple that came to me:

"It's all fun and games until somebody loses a carrot"

"We've got a massive cold front sweeping in from Airport Heights"

"This is what happens when you let nature run wild."

Got an idea? Post it as a comment.

P.S, Here are a few more captions from wits all across America:
"Take me to your heater"

"Has anyone seen my gloves? All I can find are these stupid mittens."

"The day the snow stood still"

"Begich... Stevens... I don't care. I'll kick anybody's a**"

The Muni takes Snowzilla down

Uncommon Wisdom #4

If you believe that bigger is better, click Clayton

Best Wishes to Frozen Grinners for 2009

Timing is everything

Uncommon Wisdom installment 3

(Want the insight bigger? Click on image to enlarge)

Fixer-upper cartoon! Caption Contest

(Click cartoon to enlarge) To submit a caption, click "comments". To merely submit, do nothing.

If you can't say anything nice about someone...

Occasionally people will ask "Don't you ever have anything nice to say about anyone?" Just so I can say "Yes" I'd like to put this on the record. It's my tribute to Buddy D.


Let me put it this way: I have a 22-foot tall statue of Buddy in my front yard. Bronze.
Buddy saved me from a Siberian Tiger when he was 4, and I was 19. It's now that rug he has in his entryway. I can show you the scars, but we'll have to go to Buddy's house because they're all on him.

When we were in elementary school, Buddy would give me his lunch. Then later, on the playground, he would defend me from bullies even though he was weakened by hunger. Many of these bullies were headed for a life of trouble. But now they are functioning adults that are contributing to society. Why? Because they are afraid if they stray from the straight and narrow, Buddy will give them another whipping. The rest have never been found.

When I as in college, Buddy used to fly up from Hollywood, and take my exams for me. Thanks to Buddy I graduated Cum Laude, Phi Beta Kappa, and Ex Post Facto. Buddy had a nervous breakdown, but fortunately for me, he quickly recovered, and got me through my PHD, although I never even applied to grad school.

Buddy donated both his kidneys to me, and now he can't drink anymore, but I can drink twice as much as I used to, because now I have four, count 'em four freakin' kidneys.

When I was arrested for assault, Buddy took the case, and when he lost, disguised himself as me and did the time. Then he hacked the state computer and put the rap on his record.

When the Exxon Valdez hit the Rocks, Buddy saved me and the rest of Alaska by swallowing the 11 million gallons of spilled oil. Then he swam to Connecticut and puked it all over then-Exxon CEO Lee Raymond.
Buddy does have a tendency to fly off the handle and punch paparazzi from time to time, but don't we all do that?

I could go on, but Buddy is also modest, and I don't want to embarrass him. Anyway, you get the point. I am perfectly willing to say something nice about someone, provided they meet the standard set by the one and only Buddy D.

(Thanks to Jae Shin for inspiration.)

Under the sign of the Bull: The correction I've been waiting to write

Despite what many say, the people who put out the newspaper really are concerned with finding the truth and printing it as accurately as possible. Not only is it the mission, it's the meal ticket. People won't buy a newspaper that is careless of the facts or out of touch with reality. Unless the paper is waaaaay out of touch with reality. Hence tabloids with scoops like: "Jen leaves Brad for Bat Boy"

Bat Boy aside, most journalists work hard to find the facts. And when they make a mistake, they try to correct the record. Which is painful. To write a correction is to brand oneself with a scarlet letter for being unfaithful to the mission to which all serious journalists pledge themselves. This above all: To thy reader be true.

Oh, except they are happy to publish unbridled superstitious nonsense regularly in the horoscopes. Journalists are proud of maxims like "If your mother says she loves you, check it out." But if some crackpot claims it's written in the stars, print it.

It's eerie. For all the millions of words of copy astrologers publish, I have not seen one correction. It's long past time to set the record straight.


CORRECTION:

It has come to our attention that yesterday's horoscope contained numerous errors. Unusual sun spot activity in combination with negative energy from the nation's 401k plans distorted the information written in the heavens and led to a series of inaccuracies we wish to correct. And yes, we should have predicted it, but let he who is without sin etc. etc... Let's get this over with.

Aries: You cannot achieve a goal that in the past seemed impossible. It is in fact, impossible. It was however an auspicious day for nursing a grudge and sulking.

Taurus: On more careful reading, the time was not ripe to demand that long overdue raise. What were we thinking?

Gemini: OK, so it wasn't a good day to discuss finances with your spouse. We're sorry she left. But face it, if you're taking financial advice from an astrology column, is it any surprise she split? The stars say you are a LOSER.

Cancer: The line reading "Today's grueling task will take all that you've got, but you are up to it." was fine up to the word "are" which should have been followed by the word "not".

Leo: The lion? Who is kidding whom here?

Virgo: Oops! We switched your prediction with Libra. Nobody is trying to kill you. Relax.

Libra: See Virgo, above... oh that's right, you can't. You're dead.


Scorpio: We were close on this one, a long-lost relative was going to leave you an unexpected windfall. Unfortunately he was cleaned out in a Nigerian email scam.

Sagittarius: Let's put it this way- We told you today was going to be an "8". We meant "-8".

Capricorn: Sorry, Capricorn, our lawyer has advised us to take the fifth here.

Aquarius: Hah! We got this one right! One out of twelve ain't bad.

Pices: Well, we admit this was bad advice, but really Pices, you should take some of the blame. Only an idiot would believe "Today is a good day to have unprotected sex with an in-law." We regret the error as much as you do.

Installment 2 of Uncommon Wisdom: Ralph Socrates

Short flicks, Big screens: Susitna Story, XT& ME at the Anchorage International Film Festival

The Anchorage Film Festival is generously offering multiple screenings of rare work by the reclusive director who goes only by the name Peter Dunlap-Shohl. Here's a rundown, and you can find the entire festival schedule as a pdf here


SUSITNA STORY is scheduled to appear Sunday, Dec. 12at the Museum as part of the "Adventures in Animation" Program, which begins at 5:30


SUSITNA STORY: Friday 12/12, 3p • Mixx Grill, Inlet Towers, 1200 L Street
$5 • Free with All Events Pass • Limited seating!

SUSITNA STORY and XT & ME: As part of the Snowdance Shorts program
12/13 Sat 12:45pm • Bear Tooth
And of course, numerous screenings on my iphone all over. Hoping to see you there!

Where's Pete?

I've been called away by a family emergency. Looks like it is stabilizing, and posts to Frozen Grin will return soon. Thanks,

Pete

New Frozen Grin Feature: Uncommon Wisdom

(Click image to enlarge)

The World is full of possibility and chance, the road not taken, the branch that doesn't break. The great and small appear and disappear with unpredictable stories and unexpected consequences. We fill in the gaps that they leave behind with our imagination, and render the picture as whole as we can. But our imagination can go another step, and create possibility that would otherwise not exist.

With that in mind, Frozen Grin presents "Uncommon Wisdom" a new series of glimpses of the lives and thought of interesting and provocative figures previously overlooked merely because they did not exist. Until now.

Forever Young

A word from our sponsor

And now, with an opposing view...

Election Day

Click cartoon to enlarge

Caption contest Winner

"It's like a frisbee, but a with a chewy soft center."

-Beth Hundsdorfer

Congrats Beth! If you would like a signed copy, complete with your caption, email me at dunlapshohl@gmail.com

Pete

Return to Sender

Film Fest Rebukes Tinsel Town, Picks Second D-S Flick

In a move that industry observers called brave, uncompromising, and perhaps suicidal, the intrepid selection committee at the Anchorage International Film Festival chose "XT and ME" for inclusion in its Snowdance program of Alaska films.

The animated expose, not starring Matt Damon, nor Julia Roberts and without a special appearance by Wallace Shawn in a tour de force performance as the star-crossed little alien, is an unflinching, gut-wrenching look at the seamy underbelly of Hollywood itself.

Piling laurels on the shadowy and reclusive director, who goes only by the name Peter Dunlap-Shohl, the committee also added his animation "Susitna Story" to its Snowdance selections. Susitna story is still slated to screen in the festival's animation division as well.

When reached for comment, the unassuming director plugged the upcoming performance of the band Whiskeyjacks at the downtown Anchorage Pub McGinley's, muttered something about realizing a lifelong dream to appear as a member of a Pogues cover band, and then abruptly hung up. More proof, as if any was needed, that life in Alaska is getting stranger by the hour.

The Cutting Room Floor: Death of a Music Video

I was about halfway through this project when it suddenly hit me that I was actually about 1/16th of the way through this project. Accounting for my sunny optimistic nature, I had to knock it down from 1/16 to 1/20.

Worried studio heads were called in, histrionic entreaties were made, lawyers summoned, threats exchanged, desperate deals were put together and then fell apart.

To make a long story short, the bastards pulled the plug on the Snow Blind Rooster Schnozzbone music video. But I did manage to salvage this little animated snippet of the immortal Rooster performing "Talking Sarah Palin Blues". You're welcome, posterity.

(If the video piques your curiosity and you would like to hear Schnozzbone's entire rendition just drop down two posts and click on the title of the post "Whatever Happened to Sarah Palin")

Carded

Whatever Happened to Sarah Palin (Talking Sarah Blues)

Click on the post title above to hear something, uh, Dylanesque. And a one... and a two....

Bad Hairday

In which an impulsive, seemingly inconsequential decision by a young man to shave his head, ends up in shocking carnage. WARNING: Contains footage hairy people may find disturbing.

Gag me! Frozen Grin Caption Contest

One of the funnest things I did at the Daily News was creating and running the reader caption contest "Name that 'Toon" Since one of my objects while passing through this vale of tears is to have fun, I decided there is no reason not to have a caption contest here.

No sooner said, than done.

I'm not inclined to make a lot of rules for this so here are the guidelines:
1. Peter will be Judge, Jury and Lord High Executioner.
2. Of course my friends, dimly remembered acquaintances and relatives will be allowed to participate, who else reads this blog anyway?
3. Total strangers also welcome. A stranger is just a friend you haven't met! (Thank you Matt Groening.)

4. Deadline: Noon the Thursday following a week after publication of the cartoon. Winner will be announced within a few days.
5. Submit your caption by clicking the comments link under the post. It will help if you start the title of your post with "Caption" so I can easily identify it as part of the caption contest.
6. Kibitzing is welcome, and if well thought out will likely influence the judge. Then again, maybe not. But the judge's decision is the ultimate authority on the question of who won.
7. These guidelines in no way limit the judge from imposing rulings judgments etc. at a later time should his exalted supremeness change his mind about something or should an issue not covered explicitly in these guidelines rear its ugly head.

I'll be happy to send a printed copy of the cartoon with the winning caption to the author provided that they identify themselves with the submission and later provide me a snail mail address. Participants may submit anonymously, but anonymous submissions will not be eligible to receive a printed copy.(Note: Their are no "originals". My drawings are created entirely on the computer, there is no "hard" version on paper.)

All set? Let's try it!

Unintelligent Design

This was inspired by a cartoon pamphlet warning that I and practically everyone I know will go to Hell in a fiery hand basket. I decided to come up with some fire and brimstone of my own. Here I present The Apocalypse, as it might have been engineered by the great Rube Goldberg

.

Stop Me Before I Remodel Again...

Anchorage International Film Fest Picks "Susitna Story" for one of its animation selections

Riding Frank Gerjevic's strong breakout performance as narrator, my animation "Susitna Story" scored a place in the 2008 AIFF. As the Brits say "YEE-HAWR" I got so excited I created a trailer for it, posted here. I hope it whets your appetite for the screening to be held in early December. More details as they emerge.

Lost in Translation: Sarah Palin Captioned for B.S. Impaired

STATE OF DENIAL

The Alaska Flag song, Corrupt Bastards Verse

Back in the early 60's, students at Turnagain Elementary School would start the school day with a flag raising ceremony during which the assembled multitude would raise their shrill little voices in a rousing chorus of the Alaska Flag Song. Then we'd skin a moose and turn the meat over to the lunch ladies to make into stew for our afternoon meal. Often in winter, we'd watch Dr. Bill Mills' classic film about the dangers of frostbite. This included graphic footage of how to deal with the resulting "blebs", which resemble overgrown red grapes. Invariably at least one kid lost his moose stew. Sometimes more hapless tykes would join in, for the second choral performance of the day.

I never got frostbite, and I never forgot the Alaska Flag song. But this ain't the Alaska of the sixties, and the song was desperately in need of an update, given the Alaska we live in now. Reluctantly, I took on the job, adding today's panhandling politicians to the gold panners of yore. Who needs a frostbite flick? Now you can get nauseated singing our state song!

Note: This originally appeared in the Anchorage Daily News, where it prompted complaints to the publisher. That's keeping your eye on the sleazeball folks!

Cosmetics

Mean Streets North

We mark the passing of time with a series of holidays. These are the days without which the year would be incomplete. Some are official, like the Fourth of July. Some are cultural like Halloween, or Thanksgiving. And some, for instance, the Superbowl, are unrecognized as holidays yet, but celebrated with all the pomp and excess of the classics.

Into this last category falls The First Day of Snow in Anchorage. We celebrate this day with a number of special traditions. Most adults rise from bed, face their windows and curse silently, or aloud, according to their family practice or temperament. (the exception to this rule is anyone who owns an auto body-shop, as we shall presently see.) Shortly after begins the main event, the Morning Commute Demolition Parade!

Groggy and tense, the citizens of our fair city take to the roads and try to recall how to drive on surfaces slick and treacherous. Or not.

With an uncanny regularity the number of fender-benders rockets into the high double digits as the populace skids, caroms, slides and ricochets through red lights, across lanes and into the ditches. It's as if a certain number of automobiles must be sacrificed to the Gods of Winter, and it happens every year, as sure as people get drunk and expose themselves at Mardi Gras.

Today it happened, at least in our neighborhood. I got up this morning, looked out the window, and cursed (silently.) Then I remembered a tune I composed last year for this event. It is, to my knowledge, the only Anchorage-First-Snow-Day carol. I dug it up and present it here for your listening pleasure.

I know I am, but what am I?

My ex-boss and world renowned Palin Pundit Mike Carey, wrote a handsome obituary for my Daily News career that was published yesterday. I can't resist sharing the first two on-line comments, which illustrate what a cartoonist should expect if they are doing the job remotely right:

Example 1, Validation by appreciation, from a reader who signs herself Sweet Polly:

"This is a truly sad day. Peter is a talented, insightful, hilarious, and 'spot on' cartoonist."

Example 2, Validation through vituperation, from Blue and Gold:

"Good riddance you leftist tool. When is Carey's last day?"

I can only say, sincere thanks to both of you.

(Oh, and "Blue and Gold" why don't you grow a pair, or heck, just grow ONE, and sign your real name?)

Pete

Welcome

Hello from Alaska cartoonist Peter Dunlap-Shohl. Here you'll find animations, political cartoons, songs, short comic pieces, and other products of my fevered imagination just as fast as I can create them and put them up.

As cartoonist for the Anchorage Daily News, I've been amusing, annoying, and having fun at the expense of my fellow Alaskans for over a quarter of a century. I plan to continue that here, and to work to amuse and annoy the wider world as well. There is a big ol' archive of my daily News cartoonshere and animations about Alaska politicians, like Sarah Palin and Ted Stevens here.


To get things started, here is a recently completed animated video that tells a shocking story that will blow the lid off an old Hollywood scandal. Drugs, sex, booze and lost innocence combine with a ruthless quest for stardom to form a potent cocktail that will shatter your most precious illusions. Note: This is a work of the imagination, mine, to be exact. So remember to suspend disbelief... until it's over.