If you can't say anything nice about someone...

Occasionally people will ask "Don't you ever have anything nice to say about anyone?" Just so I can say "Yes" I'd like to put this on the record. It's my tribute to Buddy D.


Let me put it this way: I have a 22-foot tall statue of Buddy in my front yard. Bronze.
Buddy saved me from a Siberian Tiger when he was 4, and I was 19. It's now that rug he has in his entryway. I can show you the scars, but we'll have to go to Buddy's house because they're all on him.

When we were in elementary school, Buddy would give me his lunch. Then later, on the playground, he would defend me from bullies even though he was weakened by hunger. Many of these bullies were headed for a life of trouble. But now they are functioning adults that are contributing to society. Why? Because they are afraid if they stray from the straight and narrow, Buddy will give them another whipping. The rest have never been found.

When I as in college, Buddy used to fly up from Hollywood, and take my exams for me. Thanks to Buddy I graduated Cum Laude, Phi Beta Kappa, and Ex Post Facto. Buddy had a nervous breakdown, but fortunately for me, he quickly recovered, and got me through my PHD, although I never even applied to grad school.

Buddy donated both his kidneys to me, and now he can't drink anymore, but I can drink twice as much as I used to, because now I have four, count 'em four freakin' kidneys.

When I was arrested for assault, Buddy took the case, and when he lost, disguised himself as me and did the time. Then he hacked the state computer and put the rap on his record.

When the Exxon Valdez hit the Rocks, Buddy saved me and the rest of Alaska by swallowing the 11 million gallons of spilled oil. Then he swam to Connecticut and puked it all over then-Exxon CEO Lee Raymond.
Buddy does have a tendency to fly off the handle and punch paparazzi from time to time, but don't we all do that?

I could go on, but Buddy is also modest, and I don't want to embarrass him. Anyway, you get the point. I am perfectly willing to say something nice about someone, provided they meet the standard set by the one and only Buddy D.

(Thanks to Jae Shin for inspiration.)