Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It's Offical: First Helldometer puts us 225 miles from Hell, Does Not Result in Action From the Carter Center

With 21 voters participating we have a clear sense that participants think things are indeed going to Hell, with 52% putting Hell an uncomfortable day's drive away at 225 miles and 4% at merely a mile off. Still a substantial minority saw things in a more optimistic light with 4% putting us 999 miles away, and 38% gave us a somewhat cheery 500 miles out, close enough to smell the brimstone but plenty of maneuvering room to change course.

This sample of opinion is totally unscientific with a self-selected survey population. It has big built-in flaws as well. For instance if you really believed we were a mile out from Hell, would you be farting around on the Web, or buying up all the bottled water, Spam and ammo you could find at the local big box? This means we probably missed a number of those who were too busy preparing for Armageddon to be bothered with our poll, no matter how important it seems to us. This of course skewed our sample a little toward the more optimistic side. Another objection is that the poll is too limited in offering only four possible responses. One disappointed reader refused to participate after finding 666 was not among the possible choices. We will attempt to address this in the next poll.

Thanks to all who participated despite the obvious flaws. Thanks also to the Carter Center for not sending Jimmy Carter in to clean our voting process up. We view this as validation of our recent election, flawed as it admittedly is. If it's good enough to pass muster at the Carter Center, it's good enough for us. We are not perfect but the staff here at Frozen Grin hopes that over time a picture of the popular sense will emerge as we re-sample opinion on this question.


  1. Harriet DrummondJune 1, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    My guess is Joe McGinniss would put hell on the lawn next door, at least this week. But then we'd need a distance of, oh, 50 miles or so from Anchorage to put Hell on the shores of Lake Lucille.

  2. Harriet, your comment underscores a question that is important but not addressed by this poll: Where IS Hell anyway?

  3. Bad news, Peter. It's a straight shot to hell right now. An express portal to the Underworld just opened up in Guatemala City. See the pictures at http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Flooding-opens-up-sinkholes-Guatemala-City/ss/events/wl/053110guatemalahole#photoViewer=/100601/ids_photos_india_wl/ra572889842.jpg
    --Maryellen Lambert
    P.S. I always post as Anonymous b/c I can't figure out how else to do it. Sorry!

  4. Whoa! Those are some amazing pictures! Hell is apparently coming to us!