Friday, November 8, 2013

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A real Souvenir of a Fictitious Place

A real souvenir of a fictitious place! What could be cooler, or at least, as confusing as that? The Brazen Husky is the archetypal Alaska bar. A place where red-cheeked sourdoughs gather round a roaring stove fueled with Blazo and sing the Alaska State Flag Song on one of those freezing July days. It's a chance to relive all those wild times of your misspent youth, and invent better ones! Just $25 bucks at my online store Order yours today, or I'll be forced to remind you that Christmas is just around the corner from Thanksgiving, which is just around the corner. And nobody wants that.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Ernie Enraged

Where are they now? Child star Ernie, once a Sesame Street mainstay, is now one of the beloved show's most vehement critics. " Know what I'm making in salary and residuals, share of merchandise bearing my likeness, etc. etc? Count, what's the number?" "ZERO! Aah-ha-ha-ha!" "Sure I started out as a puppet made of felt and hot glue, but who can imagine Sesame Street without me and the other Muppets? After more than three decades I don't even have eyebrows fer cryin' out loud! Bob is driving a Maserati, Luis has a stable of racing ponies, Maria has houses on the Costa Del Sol, and the Upper West Side. Meanwhile Oscar is still living where? In a GARBAGE CAN! Cookie Monster needs bariatric surgery, who's gonna pay for that? One of these things is not like the other, and that ain't right! Sesame Street is brought to you today by the word "screwed" and the letters "S. O. and L !"

Breaking Bert

Former child actor brings his unibrow (glimpsed in this recent selfie) to the role of villain in the next "Iron Man".

Friday, November 1, 2013

Back in the Day: A Look at the Brazen Husky from the Late 70's

Exterior Shot of The Brazen Husky at the old location near 31st and Spenard, 1977. February, about minus 11, with windchill. The doorman in this photo looks like Otto B. an Albanian transplant by way of Bethel. They had to let Otto go soon after he was hired because of a sudden and disastrous drop in revenue shortly after he was brought on. They thought he was stealing, but found out the problem was he had such a high standard he wouldn't let anyone in the club. When Otto wasn't on the door, me, my brother, Dave L. and a few other music fiends from our High School would try to sneak in. We saw Roy Buchanon, Rory Gallagher, The Holy Modal Rounders and Van Morrison on the stage there. All in one night. We also saw a three-headed bull moose with forked lightning for antlers on the way home, so it's possible that we were a bit addled by the bar smoke, which was so thick you couldn't cut it with a circular saw.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Quiet Desperation, Another Poster for a Cancelled Perormance at The Brazen Husky

Notification of performance cancellation. Management of The Brazen Husky, a notorious Alaska watering hole and hardware store is pleased to announce that mime troupe "Mime Shaft" will not be appearing, in spite of earlier publicity trumpeting the imminent performance. Husky management "said" in a press release "At first we were deeply impressed by the group's tenacious devotion to the core value of their peculiar art. That value, of course, is to be smugly annoying. Then we thought about it, and it hit us that annoying a bunch of Alaskans, many of whom were likely carrying, and all of them certainly stinking, commode-hugging, drunk, was possibly irresponsible, and more important, potentially costly. We cancelled them faster than you can not say "Jack Robinson." When reached for comment Mime Shaft mastermime Marcel Morceau was cheered by the news. "We consider our act to be a failure if we actually make it through a run. Cancellation is confirmation that we did not let our audience down. And to be cancelled before the show even starts confirms we are on the right path." Back at the Brazen Husky , management said they would offset the anticipated loss of revenue with a sale on rebar, lag screws, and miter boxes. "Everybody wins."

Monday, October 28, 2013

R.I.P. Lou Reed

This is in memory of Lou Reed. He likely never came close to taking the stage at the renowned Spenard Honky Tonk, The Brazen Husky. But he did mention Alaska in the Velvet Underground song 'Stephanie Says". The lyric, "It's so cold in Alaska", while a metaphor for something else entirely, is also certainly true as a simple matter of fact. For that he deserves his own poster. We've given so much to so many, for so much less. A souvenir of an imaginary gig is the least we could do.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Another Poster, Another Small Tragedy at the Brazen Husky

Notice of performance cancellation: The following message was left on the answering machine at the Brazen Husky, notorious Anchorage nightspot. "Is Pavlova here. Ham sorry to announcing, must cancel trip to Hanchorage. Went to feeding the talent this morning, found them missing! Was blaming Cruella DeVille and sobbing at thought of dear little doggies made into coat of mink, when found this note. "P- thanks for everything, but must say good-bye. Running away to join circus." Bitches.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Word on the Street: Brazen Husky Cancels Max Trapp Performance

Notice of performance cancellation: The management at Spenard nightspot The Brazen Husky is devastated to announce that, true to form, they have been forced once again to cancel a much-anticipated artistic event. This time it is the celebrated spoken-word artist Max Trapp who will not grace the stage of the historic night spot and hardware store. What could keep a known ham like Mr. Trapp off this, or any stage? Blame the Mr. Universe Poetry Slam in Petaluma CA. Trapp was competing in an extemporaneous rhyme-off to break a tie in the fifth round. In a moment of desperation, he rhymed "El Paso" with "Great big hassle". The crowd, as sophisticated a bunch of aesthetes as could be found anywhere, was horrified at this infelicitous monstrosity, this crime against rhyme! They let loose an angry cry, and, as one animal, rushed the stage. Mr. Trapp, once extricated from the mob, was rushed to the nearest hospital. There, when informed of his barbaric yawpery, the staff refused to treat him. Eventually a small clinic in Needles agreed to patch him up, and advised him to lie low and avoid clubs for the indeterminate future.. He is currently in an undisclosed location, and probably will be for quite a while.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

"Brazen Husky" On a Roll. That's Right, Another Cancellation!

Notice of performance cancellation: The management of The Brazen Husky announced that Christian Grindcore band Howled Be Thy Name cancelled their December performance. The Norwegian rockers did so after learning a previous headliner at the Spenard night spot had been carried off to Hell by Satan in the middle of his set. Blues legend Jellyfish Jones has not been seen or heard from since. The band sent out a press release noting that their contract was clear about allowing them to back out of performances at venues where Lucifer had previously appeared. "As a Christian Band, we believe it would be wrong to follow Satan, even onstage." Said the band's lead singer, who, ironically goes only by his first name, Thor. "We haven't had a gig in ages."

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Concert Cancelled, Still Another Unlucky Night at the Brazen Husky

NOTICE OF CONCERT CANCELLATION- An exclusive engagement of Delta Blues master Jellyfish Jones ended abruptly his first night on stage at the Brazen Husky. Jones was known as a guitar wizard with few peers. It was rumored for decades that he went one winter evening to the same lonely crossroads visited by Robert Johnson. There, like Johnson, he met Satan in the dead of night, and sold his soul in exchange for unholy mastery of his instrument. That rumor was spectacularly confirmed when, just a few songs into the second set, the incarnation of evil, Old Nick himself, entered the Spenard club. The Lord of the Underworld announced that he was there to collect, seized the hapless Bluesman and strode past the bouncers with the protesting musician struggling under his arm. All that remained behind was the sharp odor of brimstone and the guitarist's slide, which fell during the brief struggle, slowly rolled to the edge of the stage, and fell to the floor with a metallic ping.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Yet ANOTHER Performance Cancelled!

NOTICE OF CONCERT CANCELLATION- Once again the management of the Brazen Husky reports they are forced to cancel a planned performance. The reason: shortly after the local nightclub signed the well-known "Boy Band" Christopher and the Robins for a November engagement, Throbheart Magazine released the result of their damning two-year investigation of the band. According to their report, the Robins are not a boy band at all, their ages range from the early thirties to the mid-forties. "They could have only gotten away with this in the age of Photoshop and studio gimmickry" said Throbheart editor Candy Asche. "It's one more indictment of a literally bankrupt industry" There was no question about going on with the show after the Throbheart bombshell. "Imagine finding out that everyone in your favorite Hair-Metal band was bald" scoffed Asche, "Or not actually metal." Management of the Brazen Husky refused to speak to this reporter, but did sob into the phone for attribution.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

We Regret to Announce the Cancellation of Yet Another Performance

CONCERT CANCELLATION NOTICE- Once again the Brazen Husky. a Honky Tonk and Hardware shop in Spenard, AK is forced to announce that it must cancel a scheduled event. This time it was a performance by the Snits, a Neo-Punk band out of Lymington, U.K. "Advance ticket sales were going into the high negative numbers" said Peter Dunlap-Shohl, a partner in the nightclub, who wished to remain anonymous. "We are actually getting many, many people paying us not to bring them, in fact, based on current income from this non-performance, we are operating in the black for the first time ever." When asked if he had other bands in mind that fit this business model, Dunlap-Shohl would only leer smugly and pat what appeared to be a long list in his jacket breast pocket.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Poster for a Musician "Too Good to Play Alaska"

NOTICE OF CONCERT CANCELLATION Charlie Cactus "The Bakersfield Nightingale" was forced to cancel three shows at the Alaska nightclub "The Brazen Husky" after suddenly realizing he was "Too good to spend the rest of his career playing cheap dives in places where the temperature regularly drops below 68 degrees." When contacted by the club's lawyer, Mr. Cactus pointed out that, "As the only country musician to be awarded a Prestigious Prize." (from the well-known Prestigious Institute) he was under no obligation to "Waste my talent on a bunch of chillbillys." Club management took the cancellation in stride, announcing that they had hired local band Whiskey Jacks instead. Contacted for comment, Whiskey Jacks spokesman Lefty Wright replied "Waste our talent on a bunch of chillbillys? Hell, that's what we DO!" leaving many to wonder just what he meant by that.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Poster for a Band So Cool, They Don't Even Exist

NOTICE OF CONCERT CANCELLATION- Anchorage blues hero Feral Otis was forced to cancel a two-night gig back in his favorite hometown dive "The Brazen Husky". Authorities said Ima Hogg III, the drummer in his band, created a disturbance at the Los Angeles airport. Hogg was detained, forcing the cancellation. Mr. Hogg was reportedly upset about the fact that the crew was rumored to be serving bacon on the flight. Hogg heatedly denied the accusation, saying that he was upset because they would only be serving bacon in first class, while he was flying coach. Hogg began harassing fellow passengers, oinking loudly at the first class travelers as they began to board. The fracas soon escalated when the gate agent attempted to physically restrain Hogg. TSA agents quickly appeared on the scene, and, branding Hogg a criminal, spirited him away to an unknown location as he squealed for his lawyer. Mr. Otis had no comment.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Poster From a Legendary (and sadly, fictitious) New Orleans Performer

Saw Gator Red in a tiny bar on Frenchman Street. Asked him for his autograph but he was so drunk all he could manage was an "X" and a little scribble of a National Steel Guitar. We got him in a cab and told the driver to take him home. Found out later he was rolled and left in Lake Pontchartrain, where we ran into him next day, feeling much better, picking his teeth with some rusted rebar.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Jim Mackniki, a two-fisted, gravel-voiced and grizzled copy editor hung up the pica pole yesterday. Over 30 years a newsman, starting as a copy boy at a paper in Eastern Washington. Jim fit my imagined idea of a hard-nosed, cynical, tough journo to a T. I was scared of him for the first three years at the paper. Now I'm sad to see him go. Here is the Jim I knew.

The Seer, Page Eight

Tuesday, September 24, 2013